


When Conversing With Half-Brained Gryffindors

by thewaterfalcon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M, text chat, texting au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 20:33:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12307209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewaterfalcon/pseuds/thewaterfalcon
Summary: What happens with Draco 'Transparent-As-A-Window' Malfoy adds Harry Potter to a group chat...to 'annoy him'.





	When Conversing With Half-Brained Gryffindors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jadepresley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadepresley/gifts).



> For jadepresley...without whom my Ronsy heart would surely die. And also me, I would die...because I need her in my life. 
> 
> It's a bit of a shit time at the moment...and I needed to writing something lighthearted. Unbeta'd and the formatting is really really crap because proper editing is for better headspaces than this...

[Draco Malfoy added Harry Potter to the chat]

 

Draco: Hey, Pansy look! Now we can annoy Potter even more often than usual

Pansy: I sense you aren’t being entirely honest with your reasoning for adding Potter to the chat

Harry: Um. What.

Draco: Don’t be ridiculous Pansy, look how annoyed he is already, he can barely form sentences

Pansy: When it comes to coherent sentences, Potter fails on a daily basis

Harry: Charming, Pansy

 

[Harry Potter added Ron Weasley to the chat]

 

Pansy: What the fuck did you do that for Potter?

Harry: Ron check out this lovely chat Malfoy added me to

Ron: Malfoy added you? Oh, I wonder why...

Pansy: HAHA

Pansy: Even Weasel gets it, Draco

Draco: There’s nothing to get...I simply wanted to annoy Potter more than usual

  
Ron: Bollocks

  
Pansy: Agreed, Weasel

Draco: Why are you siding with him?

Pansy: Because you are as transparent as a window, you fuckwit

Harry: Anyone care to explain what’s going on?

Pansy: Not particularly, Potter

Draco: There’s nothing to explain!

Ron: Sure, Malfoy

 

[Pansy Parkinson added Theodore Nott to the chat]

 

Theo: ‘Sup?

Pansy: Just wanted your opinion...Draco added Potter to a chat to ‘annoy him’

Theo: Bollocks

Ron: That’s what I said

Pansy: Do you see now, Draco?

Draco: There’s. Nothing. To. ‘See’. Pansy!

Ron: Sure, Malfoy...we’re all wrong

Draco: It’s not exactly hard to imagine you being wrong about anything Weasley

Pansy: True, except...he isn’t wrong about this

  
Ron: Uh. Cheers, I guess…

Draco: YES HE IS!

Theo: Calm down mate, want a beer?

Draco: No, I do not want a beer, Theo...I WANT to annoy Potter

Ron: ‘Annoy’? Is that what they’re calling it these days?

Theo: HAHAHAHA! Just spat my beer out, nice one Weasley

Draco: Fuck all of you

Pansy: I really don’t think you do want to fuck *all* of us Draco…

Ron: Lolll

Harry: What on Earth are you all talking about?

  
Draco: They aren’t talking about anything Potter! They’re a bunch of pathetic plebs

Ron: Did you just seriously use the word pleb?

Draco: ...yes

Pansy: He gets irate and calls people plebs a lot

Theo: True dat

Pansy: There are usually a lot of exaggerated arm flailings accompanying said insult

Harry: What even is a pleb?

Draco: You, Potter...you are a pleb

Pansy: Oh, fabulous! If Draco thinks Potter is a pleb then pleb must be a compliment

Harry: Huh?

  
Draco: You shut the fuck up Pansy I swear to God!

Pansy: Or what?

Theo: Ooooooooooh…!

Draco: Don’t test me, Pansy

Pansy: Oh but I’m going to...if I don’t shut the fuck up, what will happen? 

Ron: I’d put money on the outcome of what would happen

Draco: Just. Fucking. Don’t!

Pansy: Or. Fucking. What?!

Draco: I’ll fuck you up Parkinson

Theo: Pansy used ‘Calling Draco’s bluff’, it was super effective

Ron: LMAO

Pansy: He’s just stormed off to his dorm

Theo: Fuck..I’m coming to the common room

Ron: Why?

Theo: He never remembers silencing charms when he has an angry wank

Pansy: Well. There’s a mental image

Ron: For fuck’s sake hahaha 

Harry: An angry...what? Why would he have one of those?

Pansy: You cannot possibly be this clueless, Potter

Ron: When it comes to this, trust me he can

Harry: When it comes to WHAT?

Ron: …

Pansy: At this point I’m half amused but the other half almost pities you, you clueless fuck

Theo: I feel like we should give them a nudge

Ron: I’m not sure...

Pansy: It has been a while, and with Draco being as stubborn as he is and Potter this much of a dumbo, perhaps we ought to

Harry: I’m right here

Pansy: I mean, you say that, but after this chat I’m not entirely sure you’re ever fully there

Theo: We could just find a way to lock the pair of them in a cupboard or something together?

Ron: That could maybe work, actually

Harry: The pair of what?

Pansy: There’s a classroom on the third floor that is never, ever used

Theo: The shagging classroom

Ron: The what?!

  
Pansy: Yes, that’s the one

Harry: Why is it called that?

Theo: Really, Potter?

Ron: You two should see the confused look on his face right now

Harry: Right...err...is Malfoy not coming back online by the way?

Pansy: Why Potter?

Theo: Are we not good enough?

Harry: No, it’s not that, I was just wondering is all

Pansy: Uh huh!

Theo: Draco’s pretty face is probably crying whilst he cums right about now   
Ron: Please keep ‘Draco’s pretty face’ out of this, I just ate!

Theo: Sorry mate, think about Pansy’s face instead...it’s not as pretty, but might not make you bring your dinner up

Ron: Gladly

Pansy: Fuck you Theo

Pansy: Wait...WHAT Weasley?

Theo: Fucking knew it...just so you know Weasley, it’s reciprocated, isn’t it Pans?

  
Pansy: Shut UP Theo!

Harry: It’s about time you two admitted it

Theo: Really, Potter?

Ron: Really, Harry?

  
Pansy: FUCKING REALLY, POTTER?!

Harry: What? It’s pretty obvious...anyone could see it

Theo: I mean, he’s not wrong

Pansy: It’s Potter, he’s always wrong

Ron: Wait...I’m lost...anyone could see what?

Theo: Oh my God...so it’s not just a Potter thing!

Pansy: Apparently not

Theo: Hey, Potter - do you think we should lock them in the shagging classroom together?

Harry: Definitely, the whole school would probably thank us

Theo: Agreed

Ron: What? Why is Harry now in on the shagging classroom plan?

Pansy: God!!! WEASLEY!!!!

Theo: Don’t you worry about that, Weasley mate...just let Uncle Theo sort it all out

Pansy: You will do no such thing Theo!

Draco: What are you idiots discussing now? Do you have any idea how many unread messages were here?

Theo: That took you longer than usual

Harry: Malfoy’s back!

Pansy: Bet Potter’s face just lit up

Ron: It did

Pansy: Knew it

Harry: Light up from what?

Theo: FUCKING HELL POTTER!

Harry: Woah! Where did that come from? No need to shout

  
Theo: THERE IS EVERY NEED TO SHOUT

Pansy: Shouting is a perfectly acceptable form of communication

Theo: ESPECIALLY WHEN CONVERSING WITH HALF-BRAINED GRYFFINDORS

  
Pansy: I believe that’s a requirement to become one

Draco: Oh, it is...especially for Potter. God, he’s so dumb

Ron: Here we go again

Draco: I personally imagine all Potter’s brains fell out his stupid fat mouth  a long time ago

Theo: I really don’t believe that is what you imagine when thinking about things falling out, or in, of Potter’s mouth

Ron: Mental. Images. Nott. 

Theo: Sorry again...although, just like before I implore you to shift the mental image to one of Pansy-Poo here

Pansy: If you ever call me that again I will chop your bollocks off

Ron: Pansy...poo

Harry: It suits you Pansy

Pansy: FUCK YOU POTTER

Theo: I’m fairly certain that’s Draco’s job…

Pansy: Well...yes, that also

Draco: Shut up Theo!

Harry: What.

Theo: No need to worry Draco, Potter is as clueless about you wanting to fuck him senseless as Weasley is about Pansy wanting to fuck him senseless

Pansy: Oh my fucking god

Draco: How dare you spread such lying atrocities, Theo Cantankerous Nott!

Weasley: Pansy...what really?

Pansy: No

Harry: Malfoy?!

Pansy: Maybe

Draco: …

Harry: MALFOY?!

Theo: Gotta shoot, folks...Pansy just threw a vase at my head and threatened my bollocks with a dangerous look in her eyes!

Theo: ps boys they’re both sitting in the common room in a huff, but the password is Dark Ice

 

[Theodore Nott left the chat]

Harry: That is a stupid password

  
Harry: Although to be fair, ours is currently Flooflewoof

Harry: What even is a flooflewoof?

Harry: Ron? Where’d you go?

Ron: Are you coming or not, you idiot?

Harry: Oh right, yes, coming now

Pansy: Save that for Draco, Potter

Draco: You’re so vulgar Pansy

Harry: We’ll see you both in a second

Pansy: Oh, we can *hardly* contain ourselves

  
Ron: Why are we even bothering?

Pansy: Because Draco is wearing those tight trousers that make Potter fucking drool...and I am wearing stockings

Ron: HARRY GET A BLOODY MOVE ON!

 

End. 

 


End file.
